Lately I’ve had a lot of regrets. They seem to be lurking around every corner I am about to turn. I know we would love to say that we have NO regrets…but I think that is just something we tell ourselves sometimes, so we don’t go insane. After all, you do not really have a “do over” button for your past. Sure, you might try again and again, but at the end of the day words said or not said can still haunt you.
Now that my older grandsons are getting to big for a lot of lap time and they can read me the stories now, instead of those beautiful moments curled on a sofa reading repeatedly their favorite stories to them, I’ve wondered…. Do I remember the last time I read “Rikki Tikki Tavi” to them? Can my mind recall the exact last time I washed those little curls of gold or brown? Had I known it was going to be the last time to ever do those things, what would I have done differently?
So, this past week, I had a few days to keep my youngest grandchild and I thought about those things. When I spoon feed him his sweet potatoes, when I changed his outfit, when I rocked him to sleep. What if…it was the last time I ever got to do this? And here’s what I did differently. I took 1 more minute with each task. I spent that 1 extra minute telling him how much I loved him and how very special he is. Sure, he’s only a few months old and he may not have known what I was saying, but I knew. And it was not for just his benefit, but as importantly, for mine.
There will always be a last time. We just don’t know which time it is. And so, this year I’m giving myself a gift.
The gift of thinking that everything is the last time.